Surrender

Lord, you are amazing.
You know my every flaw.

I can't explain this feeling;
You move me to the core.

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I'm a fraud and I'm a failure.

Lord, you deserve far more!
I am not worthy Father,

Of the love you choose to pour!

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So many times I've failed you.
And I'm the one to blame.
I wish you had not seen me;

For ALL I feel is shame.

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Oh, but Lord, I need you;

And I want to do your will.

The burning heart within me;

Sees the path I must fulfill.

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I will go, my Lord, where you send me.

Though I may be terrified.

I will go my loving Saviour,

Because, you are by my side!

The Family

It's been a couple of months since I blogged last and so much incredible and unincredible stuff has happened... however, I'm not going to blog about that today.

Anyway, just a funny/interesting thought for you....

Last night at bible study, we were talking about God the Father and being adopted by God, which thus led us to talk about rebirth.

What we were thinking was: wouldn't it be cool if we got a birth certificate when we were born again into God's family?

Well some people do. But I'm talking about an official one including... exact time, date, length, weight, location, father's name (God), siblings (the list would go on forever..)

Just a funny thought =)

Unrealistic perhaps.

But funny.

Poetic Prayer

Almighty God,

Rule of the heavens and the earth.

I humbly stand before you now;

Longing for forgiveness and rebirth.

.

I recognise you are God before the nations.

You are God in darkness and in light.

You are God when everything crashes all around me.

God of all creation, mercy and of might.

.

Though the storm clouds roll my way;

You are with me.

Though the night is cold and lonely;

You are there.

When the earthly world tells me not to worship;

I will say my God is far beyond compare!

Just a random thought

So here I am, sitting in the library, with a very numb bum.
But!! Wait.. there's more...

As I was sitting here feeling rather numb, I had a thought.
(Amazing I know)
I was thinking about how sometimes we go numb in our spiritual lives and can't seem to feel much anymore. Could it possibility be because we have been looking so long at the same thing (not necessarily the wrong thing) and that we need to move onto something else for a bit?

Hmmm *ponders*

Amos 5:21-24 (The Message)

"I can't stand your religious meetings.

I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.

I want nothing to do with your religion projects,

your pretentious slogans and goals.

I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,

your public relations and image making.

I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.

When was the last time you sang to me?

Do you know what I want?

I want justice- oceans of it.

I want fairness- rivers of it.

That's what I want. That's all I want."

Jesus you're MY superhero.

The other night I saw new The Dark Knight film. It was fantastic and I absolutely recommend you see it.

Heath Ledger as the Joker was phenomenal. I would have to agree when people say that's his best acting yet. He totally made the character... However, it was quite sad to watch the film, knowing that Heath had died not so long ago from a drug overdose and although his was said to be accidental, there are many in the world that are not an accident.

Drugs.

The world is full of them... but some aren't quite what you expect them to be.
Some are lust, some are money... others are material things like games and food and fashion.
They get us hooked and even though we know it's probably not the best for us, these drugs keep consuming our lives.

Why?

Why do we let these things fill our lives? They drown us... and we think they fulfill us, but they don't. Everyday we are tempted by these "harmless" drugs and sometimes we can't let go of them... sometimes we need a hero to help us let go. A hero who kicks the bad stuff out of our lives and leaves only good stuff.

Get this right.... In the film The Dark Knight... Batman is the hero that Gotham deserved but not what it needed right now. I was wondering how I could link this movie to God...

And you know what? Jesus isn't the hero the world deserves, in fact, the world will never deserve him. Yet Jesus is the hero the world needs. And like Batman, people have despised Jesus... even called him a freak perhaps...

I've always wondered how cool is would be to have a superhero in my city... like Batman, or Superman, or Spiderman. A hero who comes in and knocks all the enemies out and saves the day! A hero the city would admire and celebrate... worship even.
But you know what? We already have that hero. And his name is Jesus Christ... the only thing is, people don't celebrate him like he deserves to be celebrated... some people don't even know he exists! What crazyness! After all.. to have a hero, is to have hope and what hope do people have without their hero?

And when people don't see evidence of their heroes hard work in their everyday lives, they begin to lose hope. Don't you see how important it is to tell people that their hero, Jesus, exists and is saving people every single day?!

Jesus is not the hero the world deserves.... he is the hero the world needs.

Worldly Pain, Let Justice Reign

Pain

Is what I see

When I look into your brokenness

So much pain

So little gain

Anger

Is what I hear

When I listen to your soul

So much pain

So little gain

Cold

Is what I feel

When I reach into your heart

So much pain

So little gain

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Salvation

Is what you feel

When I breathe into your life

So much pain

Let justice reign

Strongest Muscle in the World

Right now I am struggling with my study. I have a couple of assessments due tomorrow, but in typical Lauren style, I won't be starting or finishing them anytime soon.
It's not that I don't want to do them. It's just that I love learning and hate writing what I've learnt in a coherent manner.

I'm not a cooherent person. Sometimes when I say things, they don't come out the way they were meant to... and often they sound much better in my head. Which has caused a lot of misunderstandings with a lot of people. I'm sure people have taken things I've said the wrong way, and perhaps been offended by them.

Of course, my intention was not to offend. And often both I and the person involved end up worse for wear when I speak. So sometimes I decide it's better not to speak.

Is this right? Well yes... and no. The bible says it is better for us to guard our tongues, and obviously there are times when we definitely know we shouldn't say something (and c'mon, we've all been tempted to say it anyway.) Proverbs 21:23 proclaims "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." So there are advantages for keeping quiet...

However, if God has put on our hearts to say something, then our mouths should definitely be open. As long as we are speaking God given words.

So I challenge you, as I am being challenged: when you speak, be sure what you say has God's blessing. And if you feel that God has put on your heart to say something and you're not sure how it's going to go down- pray that God will intervene. That's what he's there for right?!
After all... we're instruments of his work.

So, enough procrastination and a little more production!
Much love.
Lauren.

Spiritual Warfare

There's been a lot I've wanted to talk about lately, yet, I have been unable to find the motivation to type it...

However, I feel it's more important that I talk about this first.

Imagine, your whole life spent in a war.
A war you're meant to win.
A war made for you to triumph over.
But in this war, you feel so incredibly depressed... supressed... isolated.
You can't see the end of this war... you can't see the light at the end. You know there is a light, but you just can't see it!
You feel trapped! Like you cannot escape, you long to escape... but you're held down. Chained to this misery.. this war.

My life, it seems... has been a constant war. A war in my mind.
A war that I was made to win, yet felt as though it was all in vain.
Even more so recently, as I have taken steps at rebuilding my faith (my faith is constantly under construction), it's been getting a heck of a lot harder.
Over the Easter weekend, I was so excited about what God had planned for that time. But as the weekend progressed, I was paralysed by this warfare that was going on inside of me.

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" Psalm 13:2

I'm sure we've all felt this way at some point in our lives. I think we often forget in times of spiritual warfare, how big our God truly is and that he's going to be the one that saves us... everytime.


So, two weekends after Easter Camp, I became a senior soldier at the Salvation Army. Praise God. And you know what? I felt so free. Chains that had once enslaved me, just disappeared!

Of course... The struggle is only going to get tougher from now on because I am a threat!!! God has this amazing revival planned, one in which I have a part... and Satan- he's terrified. Revival is the last thing he wants.

I'm lucky though. I have Jesus.

"For he has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes." Psalm 54:7

I've been forgiven, I've been set free, RESTORED and SANCTIFIED, in Christ I've been redeemed.

And I am free.

Being Invisible and Such.

So I have finally started back into my last year at University.
It is scary to think about how fast time has flown.
It is also scary to think about how much I have grown and changed.
And I don't mean scary in a terrifying sense, but scary in an amazed sense.
I mean, wow! Could I really have achieved so much in 3 years?
I have now officially been out of secondary school for 3 years, this being my 4th year. Each year has taken me further and made me grow so much. I am so excited about the plans God has for my life.

So anyway, yesterday, as I spent a very long and boring 5 hour session in the library, I found a book (as you do) as I was randomly browsing.
The book is entitled "The Invisible Woman" by Nicole Johnson, and it is nothing short of amazing, true and relevant.
In the book (which I completed... it's only short), the author talked about feeling invisible in her own life and losing her sense of belonging in her family and community. This is something I could really relate to, as I'm sure many people also could. I mean, have you ever felt that, no matter what you do, or what you say, no one will notice you? Have you ever felt as though people ignore you on purpose or as though you don't matter?
Well that's what this woman was on about. She even took it so far as to say she was invisible to Connie, the mixed Beagle.

In the book, the woman gives her testimony about how God made her realise, that even though she may feel invisible, God sees.
She goes on to quote that "Invisibility is not inflicted upon me; it is a gift to help me truly serve."
Which got me thinking how true this is!
Invisibility should never be considered a curse, but more, a blessing. When we are invisible, it is so much easier to focus on God, and faith is more honest. We're not doing things for others to see, instead, we are doing them for God. When we are invisible, everything we do is for God, and we are able to serve him fully and honestly.

She also quoted that "it is possible that the opposite of love is not hate, or even apathy, but showy self-serving acts." This really struck a chord with me, because it is so blatantly obvious.
For a few years now, my favourite quote had always been "The opposite of love, is not hate, but indifference." However, I see more clearly that, yes, the opposite of love is indeed showy self serving acts- because love is supposed to be selfless, and anything other than this is just plain selfishness.

So yeah! That's my tangled web of ideas from the book, which i still haven't managed to completely sort out. However, let me finish this blog with a chorus from a beautiful old hymn.

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

His eye is on the sparrow

and I know he watches me

So even though, sometimes, i may feel insignificant and that the work I'm doing has no relevance, I just need to remember that in everything I do, I am doing in for the Glory of God.

A poem.. again!

So here's this little ditty/poem I wrote while I was on placement...
I thought I would put it up just because I can =)

I open my eyes

To see nothin' but despair

I wish I was wise

Enough not to care

The world has cut me open

Torn out my soul

I've given up on hopin'

To fill this dark black hole

Nothin' left to worry 'bout

Perhaps I'm free

Why am I still holdin' out

For a hand to hold the key

It's a lonely world we're livin' in

Fathers hurtin' mothers

And nothin' ever feels as though

It's kept 'neath the covers

I swear if I could end it all

And show the world I care

I'd be the one that let's 'em know

How us folk down here fare

I'd open up their eyes and hearts

Expose 'em to this mess

Maybe if I do this

Maybe they'd hurt less.

Made on purpose for a purpose.

What can I say except that it has been a very trying month? Both mentally, physically and spiritually.
God has called me to serve him, and the calling has been loud and clear.
He has asked for sacrifice and promised to provide. And I know he will.

What can I say except that I am extremely proud to be a child of God?
I have the peace of God in my heart, and it is indescribable. I have searched and searched and search. Finally... I have found what it is I am here for, and I have found where I belong.

What can I say except that it has been a long and confusing journey?
I'm not there yet. Only by the strength of Jesus Christ my Saviour can I really travel this long and weary journey. And it is with Christ I am determined to live. To everything, the answer is Christ. And Christ is God. And God is love. As long as I have love in my life, I'll be able to travel this road.

What can I say except that there is no one like the God of Heaven, my God?
Nothing. No one compares. No one ever will.
The Lord reigns forever. The holy trinity. The spirit which I have within me, Christ; by whose grace I am saved, and God in heaven.

There is no one like my God.
There is no love that is as perfect as his.
There is nothing as filling as the holy spirit.
Nothing can save the world but Jesus.

Praise God, he reigns, always and forevermore.