Sometimes all people just need is a hug.

A so-called "Gracious Warrior"

When I first made this blog.. it took a lot of thought in naming it.
Why? I don't really know. I guess I just wanted something that represented me.
So I drew the words of gracious warrior from the meanings of my first and middle name's.
I've been thinking alot lately that this name doesn't really suit me.
Or does it?

I haven't been overly gracious. And I've been more of a worrier than a warrior.
But when I think about it again... I believe that's who God wants me to be. Not an ungracious worrier, but a gracious warrior.

How do you become a gracious warrior?
There is a prayer that goes something like "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to know the difference."

Being gracious comes from accepting the things I cannot change.
Being a warrior comes from changing the things I cannot accept.
And being a gracious warrior is by connecting these two things.

So, Lord, I just ask that you will lead me to live the life you have set out for me. To be gracious in all that I do, but to fight as a warrior for you.
Amen.

The Problem With Us

~

~~~

Too long the day

Too short the night

Too wearisome

To want to fight

So hastily,

We rush around,

So hastily,

Without a sound

Is there not,

A human side?

Instead we seem

To run and hide

We hide behind

A wall so tall

So in our mind

We cannot fall.

~~~

~

Soul Searching

And it's not all happy faces when we're having so much fun,
The outside may be smiling but the inside's feeling glum,
It's a whirlwind that we're living in, that makes us feel locked out
From other's deep experiences, this wall provides the doubt

And it's not all happy homes we live in
Some are drenched with grief
Broken bodies, souls and hearts
Hide what lies beneath

All truth is kept a secret until it nearly kills
Shall I suffer again tonight or swallow all these pills?
Life is dry of meaning, unintentionally bland
Who will save my life tonight? Who will hold my hand?

Sad to say that most will find no saviour for their needs
Bleeding souls silently crying on their hands and knees
Who will save their souls tonight? Who will meet them there?
Who will reach out their hand and touch those in despair?

Only one can save their souls tonight,
Only one can give them hope,
Only one can stop that suffering hand from reaching for the rope.

You can save their souls tonight,
You can give them hope,
You can offer them your Jesus,
He'll teach them how to cope.

Father's Arms: A poem

In my father's arms,

The safest place to be,

Free from worldly harms,

From which I always flee

Into my father's arms,

Lost within his warm embrace,

Safe from Satan's charms,

Lulling in His grace

Held by loving hands,

That catch me when I fall,

The only one who understands,

Why, sometimes I stall

Forever in His heart,

I will always stay,

My Father, Saviour, God,

From whom I will not stray

How Great Is Our God?

How Great is Our God?!!!
Perhaps a song that has been a little overused over the past one and a half years, however, it still carries with it a great message of praise and thanksgiving to our Lord and Saviour. And what gets me every time- is how true it is.
God is great, He is more than great. I do not have enough words big enough in my vocabularly to express His greatness. His greatness is beyond compare. It's amazing.
This week He has continued to show me how great He is, and I never cease to be amazed. My Lord takes my breath away, the words of praise fade from my lips in His presence.
No wonder the song says "Be Still and Know That I am God"... can you be anything other than still in the presence of the father?
All I can do is acknowledge the power of the Lord in silence. Wonderful silence.
How amazing is our Lord? Can you measure? Beyond compare.

Trust in God: A Song

In a world full of people, I feel so alone
When I'm amongst friends, or when I'm at home
And I don't know what to do, when I am feeling blue
All I know is to trust in you

Trust in God
He will lead you through
Through your trials, triumphs and truths
Trust in God
He won't let you down
When darkness sets in, He won't let you drown

Sometimes I feel like I could die,
Nowhere to turn, I look to the sky
Father in heaven, Have pity on me
I'm just a sinner who wants to be free

When the world crumbles around me and my heart is feeling weak
Tell me, who shall I rely on? Oh who shall I seek?

Trust in God
He will lead you through
Through your trials, triumphs and truths
Trust in God
He won't let you down
When darkness sets in, He won't let you drown

When it all becomes too much for me and I can take no more
Whether I'm rich at heart or spiritually poor
There is only one who I can look to, only one that I should seek
He is my God, who wipes every tear from my cheek

And so, trust in God
He will lead you through
Through your trials, triumphs and truths
Trust in God
He won't let you drown
When He is near, He'll pick you up when you fall down.

I've been reminded lately of the importance of faith and prayer.
You see, things in my life aren't as smooth as I want them to be right now, life is getting harder to handle, but at the same time, my faith is growing (even so slowly) stronger.
This week I give thanks to the Lord for my new job, he has answered my prayers. I am overjoyed.
However, over the past week, things have also grown more difficult, particularly in relation to my family.

My grandparents are getting older and frailer and it's getting harder to handle their suffering and to watch them deteriorate and disappear into themselves. So I pray for the Lord for strength. My family needs him now, more than ever. It is also important for my faith in God to remain strong, because this is an appropriate time for Satan to attack and I need to be prepared.
I know it probably won't be long before someone close to me will pass away... and I'll admit, I'm unsure how to handle this as I've never really had someone close to me die before.

And I often wonder whether I should ask God to heal my grandparents, would it be right to ask that of Him? I guess it couldn't hurt, but is it a part of God's will that they be healed?
What I really want is just for them to be happy. They were always there for me, they were so strong and now I feel it's my time to be strong for them.

So to the people I look up to- To my grandparents, those who helped shape me into the person I am today with their love and guidance, I will be forever greatful. Now is a time to celebrate all that they have done in their life, and the people whose lives they have touched. And it's great to know that soon, they will be with God the Father, in a beautiful place of paradise.

A Poem: The Wishlist

The Wishlist

Love uncomprehendable
Love that's so divine
Love so dependable
Love that's hard to find

Hope that overcomes all odds
Hope that outweighs fear
Hope not from other gods
Hope that brings some cheer

Peace to end all silly wars
Peace of mind and soul
Piece by piece we find our own
Peace that makes us whole

Faith so overpowering
That moves a mountain strong
Faith so overwhelming
We break out into song

Grace that opens up my heart
Grace that God gives me
Grace that makes my sins depart
Grace that sets me free

Waves of Doubt

In the roaring of my mind's own storm

I do not feel at ease

Lost and so long forlorn

Amidst my soul's deep seas

Ripping at me inside out

Tearing at my soul

Tossing me through waves of doubt

It takes its heavy toll

It churns

And splashes

It turns

And crashes

Beyond my weak control

And makes me yearn for something more

That will appease my soul

For in the roaring of my mind's own storm
I do not feel at ease
Lost and so long forlorn
Amidst my soul's deep seas

Light Shining out of Darkness

God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants His footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm. Deep in unfathomable mines Of never-failing skill, He treasures up His bright designs, And works His sovereign will. Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take, The clouds ye so much dread Are big with mercy, and shall break In blessings on your head. Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, But trust Him for His grace; Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face. His purposes will ripen fast, Unfolding every hour; The bud may have a bitter taste, But sweet will be the flower. Blind unbelief is sure to err, And scan His work in vain: God is His own interpreter, And he will make it plain.

William Cowper

I have been thinking lately, that I think I think too much. Is that possible?
And sometimes I think I don't think enough. Is it unhealthy to not think much? Or is it better to think and think and think?
I don't know.
What's been on my mind a lot lately are the questions "Who am I?" and "What am I doing here?"
Personally... I think these are great questions to have on my mind every now and then as they keep me in check with myself. (In check? Is that even grammatically correct?) However, it's also extremely annoying.
I've been wondering about God's destiny for my life. I remember at a VCAC camp a long time ago (probably my first one), we discussed our destiny's and since then I have believe that God has wanted me to be a Youth Worker/Pastor.
However, lately I have been questioning whether this is in fact my destiny. I have been battling with my insecurities and questioning my motives.
Someone in my youth studies course asked me not that long ago, why I chose the course. I didn't know how to answer, and ended up saying that it looked like fun.
What kind of motive is that? I kicked myself afterwards for not saying more... or for not having a developed answer to that question.
You know... I've always changed my mind when it came to what I wanted to be "when I grew up"... Once I wanted to be a professional figure skater.. However, after discovering that that was probably physically impossible, I then decided I wanted to be a nurse... Then a police woman... Then a chef... Then a vet... Then a vet nurse... and finally I chose a youth work course. From vet nurse to youth worker.. certainly a very strange combination.
You see, I think my problem lies in the fact that I can't differentiate between what I want and what God wants and whether what God wants and what I want are two different things... or that what I want is what God wants and as you can see, I get in this very confusing muddle.
The only thing I know for sure about my destiny, is that God wants to use me in a big way.
Obviously I need to pray more, and maybe... just maybe.. I need to think more. Or maybe that's the problem? Maybe I think too much.
Who knows.
Oh well. Whatever I do, may God use me to fulfill his will.

Stress and all that jazz.

Stress? A spiritual attack or a natural human reaction?
Good question. One which I really don't think I could answer.
Do you ever feel so stressed that it feels like you're not going to cope? You feel like you just want to throw in the towel and curl up in a small hole to hide? Yes? No?
Well that's the kind of stress I have been feeling for the past month.
Overwhelmed by workloads that seemed impossible, and almost were impossible. Afraid that I didn't complete them to the proper standard and scared that I'll end up as a complete failure.
My insecurities began to overtake any sense of rationality I had and left me a complete stressed-out mess!
However, I am still alive. It's amazing when you get stressed to a point at which you think you are going to die, and you actually want to. Not because you're suicidal and clinically depressed. Only because you have choosen to believe that dying would ease your burden.

It's ironic how the littlest things stress people out. So is it a spiritual attack, or natural human behaviour?
I think it's natural human behaviour that is further exaggerated by a spiritual attack. Human nature is weak and Satan sees your vulnerability as the right time to strike.
He loves it even more when his victim is a Christian.
Hence, we need to guard ourselves against all evil, especially during our most stressed times.

"Put on the full armour of God so you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Ephesians 6:11 (NIV)

The Courage of a Soldier

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:

"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them."