I have been thinking lately, that I think I think too much. Is that possible?
And sometimes I think I don't think enough. Is it unhealthy to not think much? Or is it better to think and think and think?
I don't know.
What's been on my mind a lot lately are the questions "Who am I?" and "What am I doing here?"
Personally... I think these are great questions to have on my mind every now and then as they keep me in check with myself. (In check? Is that even grammatically correct?) However, it's also extremely annoying.
I've been wondering about God's destiny for my life. I remember at a VCAC camp a long time ago (probably my first one), we discussed our destiny's and since then I have believe that God has wanted me to be a Youth Worker/Pastor.
However, lately I have been questioning whether this is in fact my destiny. I have been battling with my insecurities and questioning my motives.
Someone in my youth studies course asked me not that long ago, why I chose the course. I didn't know how to answer, and ended up saying that it looked like fun.
What kind of motive is that? I kicked myself afterwards for not saying more... or for not having a developed answer to that question.
You know... I've always changed my mind when it came to what I wanted to be "when I grew up"... Once I wanted to be a professional figure skater.. However, after discovering that that was probably physically impossible, I then decided I wanted to be a nurse... Then a police woman... Then a chef... Then a vet... Then a vet nurse... and finally I chose a youth work course. From vet nurse to youth worker.. certainly a very strange combination.
You see, I think my problem lies in the fact that I can't differentiate between what I want and what God wants and whether what God wants and what I want are two different things... or that what I want is what God wants and as you can see, I get in this very confusing muddle.
The only thing I know for sure about my destiny, is that God wants to use me in a big way.
Obviously I need to pray more, and maybe... just maybe.. I need to think more. Or maybe that's the problem? Maybe I think too much.
Who knows.
Oh well. Whatever I do, may God use me to fulfill his will.