Strongest Muscle in the World

Right now I am struggling with my study. I have a couple of assessments due tomorrow, but in typical Lauren style, I won't be starting or finishing them anytime soon.
It's not that I don't want to do them. It's just that I love learning and hate writing what I've learnt in a coherent manner.

I'm not a cooherent person. Sometimes when I say things, they don't come out the way they were meant to... and often they sound much better in my head. Which has caused a lot of misunderstandings with a lot of people. I'm sure people have taken things I've said the wrong way, and perhaps been offended by them.

Of course, my intention was not to offend. And often both I and the person involved end up worse for wear when I speak. So sometimes I decide it's better not to speak.

Is this right? Well yes... and no. The bible says it is better for us to guard our tongues, and obviously there are times when we definitely know we shouldn't say something (and c'mon, we've all been tempted to say it anyway.) Proverbs 21:23 proclaims "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." So there are advantages for keeping quiet...

However, if God has put on our hearts to say something, then our mouths should definitely be open. As long as we are speaking God given words.

So I challenge you, as I am being challenged: when you speak, be sure what you say has God's blessing. And if you feel that God has put on your heart to say something and you're not sure how it's going to go down- pray that God will intervene. That's what he's there for right?!
After all... we're instruments of his work.

So, enough procrastination and a little more production!
Much love.
Lauren.

Spiritual Warfare

There's been a lot I've wanted to talk about lately, yet, I have been unable to find the motivation to type it...

However, I feel it's more important that I talk about this first.

Imagine, your whole life spent in a war.
A war you're meant to win.
A war made for you to triumph over.
But in this war, you feel so incredibly depressed... supressed... isolated.
You can't see the end of this war... you can't see the light at the end. You know there is a light, but you just can't see it!
You feel trapped! Like you cannot escape, you long to escape... but you're held down. Chained to this misery.. this war.

My life, it seems... has been a constant war. A war in my mind.
A war that I was made to win, yet felt as though it was all in vain.
Even more so recently, as I have taken steps at rebuilding my faith (my faith is constantly under construction), it's been getting a heck of a lot harder.
Over the Easter weekend, I was so excited about what God had planned for that time. But as the weekend progressed, I was paralysed by this warfare that was going on inside of me.

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" Psalm 13:2

I'm sure we've all felt this way at some point in our lives. I think we often forget in times of spiritual warfare, how big our God truly is and that he's going to be the one that saves us... everytime.


So, two weekends after Easter Camp, I became a senior soldier at the Salvation Army. Praise God. And you know what? I felt so free. Chains that had once enslaved me, just disappeared!

Of course... The struggle is only going to get tougher from now on because I am a threat!!! God has this amazing revival planned, one in which I have a part... and Satan- he's terrified. Revival is the last thing he wants.

I'm lucky though. I have Jesus.

"For he has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes." Psalm 54:7

I've been forgiven, I've been set free, RESTORED and SANCTIFIED, in Christ I've been redeemed.

And I am free.

Being Invisible and Such.

So I have finally started back into my last year at University.
It is scary to think about how fast time has flown.
It is also scary to think about how much I have grown and changed.
And I don't mean scary in a terrifying sense, but scary in an amazed sense.
I mean, wow! Could I really have achieved so much in 3 years?
I have now officially been out of secondary school for 3 years, this being my 4th year. Each year has taken me further and made me grow so much. I am so excited about the plans God has for my life.

So anyway, yesterday, as I spent a very long and boring 5 hour session in the library, I found a book (as you do) as I was randomly browsing.
The book is entitled "The Invisible Woman" by Nicole Johnson, and it is nothing short of amazing, true and relevant.
In the book (which I completed... it's only short), the author talked about feeling invisible in her own life and losing her sense of belonging in her family and community. This is something I could really relate to, as I'm sure many people also could. I mean, have you ever felt that, no matter what you do, or what you say, no one will notice you? Have you ever felt as though people ignore you on purpose or as though you don't matter?
Well that's what this woman was on about. She even took it so far as to say she was invisible to Connie, the mixed Beagle.

In the book, the woman gives her testimony about how God made her realise, that even though she may feel invisible, God sees.
She goes on to quote that "Invisibility is not inflicted upon me; it is a gift to help me truly serve."
Which got me thinking how true this is!
Invisibility should never be considered a curse, but more, a blessing. When we are invisible, it is so much easier to focus on God, and faith is more honest. We're not doing things for others to see, instead, we are doing them for God. When we are invisible, everything we do is for God, and we are able to serve him fully and honestly.

She also quoted that "it is possible that the opposite of love is not hate, or even apathy, but showy self-serving acts." This really struck a chord with me, because it is so blatantly obvious.
For a few years now, my favourite quote had always been "The opposite of love, is not hate, but indifference." However, I see more clearly that, yes, the opposite of love is indeed showy self serving acts- because love is supposed to be selfless, and anything other than this is just plain selfishness.

So yeah! That's my tangled web of ideas from the book, which i still haven't managed to completely sort out. However, let me finish this blog with a chorus from a beautiful old hymn.

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

His eye is on the sparrow

and I know he watches me

So even though, sometimes, i may feel insignificant and that the work I'm doing has no relevance, I just need to remember that in everything I do, I am doing in for the Glory of God.

A poem.. again!

So here's this little ditty/poem I wrote while I was on placement...
I thought I would put it up just because I can =)

I open my eyes

To see nothin' but despair

I wish I was wise

Enough not to care

The world has cut me open

Torn out my soul

I've given up on hopin'

To fill this dark black hole

Nothin' left to worry 'bout

Perhaps I'm free

Why am I still holdin' out

For a hand to hold the key

It's a lonely world we're livin' in

Fathers hurtin' mothers

And nothin' ever feels as though

It's kept 'neath the covers

I swear if I could end it all

And show the world I care

I'd be the one that let's 'em know

How us folk down here fare

I'd open up their eyes and hearts

Expose 'em to this mess

Maybe if I do this

Maybe they'd hurt less.

Made on purpose for a purpose.

What can I say except that it has been a very trying month? Both mentally, physically and spiritually.
God has called me to serve him, and the calling has been loud and clear.
He has asked for sacrifice and promised to provide. And I know he will.

What can I say except that I am extremely proud to be a child of God?
I have the peace of God in my heart, and it is indescribable. I have searched and searched and search. Finally... I have found what it is I am here for, and I have found where I belong.

What can I say except that it has been a long and confusing journey?
I'm not there yet. Only by the strength of Jesus Christ my Saviour can I really travel this long and weary journey. And it is with Christ I am determined to live. To everything, the answer is Christ. And Christ is God. And God is love. As long as I have love in my life, I'll be able to travel this road.

What can I say except that there is no one like the God of Heaven, my God?
Nothing. No one compares. No one ever will.
The Lord reigns forever. The holy trinity. The spirit which I have within me, Christ; by whose grace I am saved, and God in heaven.

There is no one like my God.
There is no love that is as perfect as his.
There is nothing as filling as the holy spirit.
Nothing can save the world but Jesus.

Praise God, he reigns, always and forevermore.

Sometimes all people just need is a hug.

A so-called "Gracious Warrior"

When I first made this blog.. it took a lot of thought in naming it.
Why? I don't really know. I guess I just wanted something that represented me.
So I drew the words of gracious warrior from the meanings of my first and middle name's.
I've been thinking alot lately that this name doesn't really suit me.
Or does it?

I haven't been overly gracious. And I've been more of a worrier than a warrior.
But when I think about it again... I believe that's who God wants me to be. Not an ungracious worrier, but a gracious warrior.

How do you become a gracious warrior?
There is a prayer that goes something like "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to know the difference."

Being gracious comes from accepting the things I cannot change.
Being a warrior comes from changing the things I cannot accept.
And being a gracious warrior is by connecting these two things.

So, Lord, I just ask that you will lead me to live the life you have set out for me. To be gracious in all that I do, but to fight as a warrior for you.
Amen.